The Unlikeable Dr. Spall
by Michael L. Charters

"I do not like you, Dr. Spall,"
I say with grim disdain.
"You are not fat, you are not tall;
You walk without a cane."

"You wear no glasses on your face,
Your skin is smooth and clear,
You seem to be without a trace
Of aids within your ear."

"What kind of name is that," I dread,
"Armenian or Greek?
What kind of books are those you've read,
What language do you speak?"

"Are you married, Dr. Spall?
With children still in school?
A brother by the name of Paul?
Perhaps a sister Jewel?"

"Where did you study, Dr. Spall?
No doubt a Harvard man.
And though you surely know your all,
I'm really not a fan."

"I haven't seen you, Dr. Spall,
So much as shout or squeal,
Yet you respond to every call
However bad you feel."

"You're in good health, your weight is low,
Your cholesterol is fine.
I see you always on the go,
You sometimes drink red wine."

"You stride around these clean white halls,
Your face is dry and tanned.
You scrutinize these painted walls,
A stethoscope in hand."

"The nurses tell me, Dr. Spall,
That you are good as gold,
And though you discourse with a drawl,
You aren't so very old."

"Your diagnoses are not wrong,
You practice what you preach.
Your explanations never long,
You take the time to teach."

"A smile is always on your lips,
You never frown or sneer.
And yet whenever someone slips,
You suddenly appear."

"No one who knows you, Dr. Spall,
Would disagree with me.
You are not thin, you are not small -
From defects you are free."

"I do not like you, Dr. Spall -
(Maybe I wasn't clear).
For you, though always on the ball,
I'll never shed a tear."

"No, I don't like you, Dr. Spall,
I'll say so yet once more.
But why it is I can't recall --
Perhaps you're just a bore."