BOUÉ
NOT DEAD AFTER
ALL, JUST PRACTICING |
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RUSH-HOUR
MOLASSES SPILL
SNARLS TRAFFIC IN HELLMOUTH |
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(AP) Hellmouth,
AZ. A giant two trailer combina-
tion truck carrying 500,000 gallons of prime West
Bahamian molasses, en route to Phoenix, became
trapped by a peculiar traffic circle in the center of
Hellmouth, and in the highly congested driving
conditions of rush-hour Friday the operator of the
truck panicked, overturning it in the process and
releasing its cargo of the black, sticky substance all
over the main streets surrounding the town square.
Several cars immediately
became stuck in the
thick streams of molasses as they inched their way
down the gentle slope of Vine St. in front of Joe's
Not So Bad Cafe, Win's Chinese Laundry and the
Hellmouth Hotel. A state of emergency was de-
clared which was lifted only eight hours later.
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SHAW
ANNOUNCES
NEW BOOK TOUR |
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(UPI) Los Angeles,
CA. A spokesman for Potts,
Packer and Polthammer this week announced that
Mr. Christopher Shaw will be embarking on a book
tour that will include the following appearances:
May 2, Barnes and Goble, Little Pines, Arkansas;
May 3, Books'n'Things, Cuttersville, Texas; May 4,
Discount Books, Great Goat, Ohio; May 6, Simon's
Book Loft, Bear Claw, Alaska; May 7, The Itty Bitty
Bookstore, Pangutch Junction, Utah; May 10,
Nick's Nature Books, Coldwater, Kansas; May 11,
The Book Emporium, Pickles, North Dakota; and
May 12, Book Depot, Stottlesboro, Vermont. All of
Mr. Shaw's appearances will be at 7:30pm, except for
the one in Bear Claw, which will be at 6:30pm. |
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The
New Primate Nooz is published whenever the Iron
Chef goes on vacation by those wily people down at the
Takeshitahara Corporation, Kashihara Takeshitahara, CEO
and General Manager. Copies are shipped to every major
zoo and animal testing facility in the U.S. and Japan,
and e-mailed to much of Africa, Asia and South America
(except Costa Rica). We are over-flowing with back
issues and would like to get rid of them. Please
contact: Back Issues, The New Primate Nooz,
c/o The Hellmouth-
Nagasaki Friendship Association, 220 Pine St., Hellmouth,
AZ or www.webnooz/backissues. |
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(Africa News) Libreville,
Gabon. Nine years after a
major volcanic eruption apparently buried the Mako-
kou Bluetail Guenon Study Site in the cloudy, fault-
ridden Makanza Mountains region of Gabon, the
scratchy yet still strong voice of Dr. Professor Oon-
dóué M. Boué came unexpectedly last week over
an
intermittently-working phone line from Libreville. It
turns out that the words that were thought at the time
to be his last, and evidence that Makokou was being
bombarded by lava bombs, were just some lines to a
play he was practicing with his six children. The play,
written by playwright Demba Lusangi and called
Disaster in Djimbala, involves a small research
center in a town near a volcano which erupts one day
and buries the entire area in hot lava while many of its
residents are practicing for a play they are putting on
about a volcanic catastrophe in an unsuspecting
town.
Apparently, Dr. Boué was
not aware that his words
and those of his excitable children were going out over
an open radio link and were being horribly misinter-
preted. It further appears that Dr. Boué has spent the
past nine years wondering why his mail hasn't come
and his electricity has been turned off, and he finally
grew tired of waiting for an answer and has taken
direct steps to find out. Of course, he has also been
working, and has developed some fascinating new
theories about bluetail burrowing proclivities, but we
do not have the time or space to go into much detail
about that. Suffice it to say that we are glad that Dr.
Boué was not turned into a cinder, and we expect that
he will be visiting Hellmouth sometime soon now that
he has resurfaced. |
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