Vol. 88,  No. 8
Hellmouth,  Arizona
Apr. 10,  1988

          What just might have been the spirit of Sir Horton Measely, inventor of the world's first hydrogen laser spotlight and father of Bill Measely, almost seemed for a few seconds on Tuesday afternoon to take command of the hot spotlight when no one was looking.  Sir Horton's ghost could conceivably have been in charge when the spotlight mysteriously turned itself on and sent out a 1250° beam which started a small series of forest fires in East Borneo, where it was aimed for its next feature.  It is barely possible that the specter of Sir Horton had its dry finger on the power button when the spotlight swung around without warning and burned several sub-technicians severely.  Perhaps the Nooz building is haunted by what can only be the disembodied essence of the spotlight's former owner.  Or perhaps not.
          Before we could regain control of the errant apparatus, it had caused quite a commotion in the Nooz offices, scorching the desks of publisher Arnett Putney, III and executive editor Widen Lundale, Jr. and incinerating a large stack of irreplaceable old Primate Nooz's from the 40's and 50's.  For the next few issues, you will probably still notice the lingering effects of this malevolent phantom, although we have done our best to clean up the mess and repair the damage.  Our column “200 Months Ago Today” was badly charred, and a number of articles being prepared for this edition had to be completely scrapped.  Whether it was Sir Horton or not, we can only suggest that such things as this are bound to happen from time to time when pushing the envelope of publishing technology as we are here in Hellmouth.  Please bear with us until we can restore the Nooz to its former greatness.


      In a paper presented last weekend to the Warsaw
Natural History Association, the eminent Dean of Polish
primatology Dr. Miedzyrzecz von Czechowice-Dziedzice
proposed an entirely new and revolutionary concept of the
primate line of descent, from the most primitive prosimian to
modern Homo.  Using clear and concise terminology, the
well-known monkey researcher and academician emphasized
our close kinship with such primate species as the giant
mouse lemur and the great horned gibbon.
      Dr. von Czechowice-Dziedzice, who is from the city of
Sosnowiec-Walbrzch-on-Leszno and is Visiting Professor of
Primate Pathology at Budgoszcz University, praised the
tremendous contributions of his assistants Mazowiecki
Mazowiecka and Choszczno Koscierzyna in helping him to
calibrate correctly the genetic and taxonomic affiliations of
approximately 1,700 primate fossils.  He also expressed his
deep gratitude to his assistants' assistants Bielawa Klodzko,
Jablonec Kluczbork, Ostrow Bielsk, Starachowice Wola,
Zamosc Lubelski, Dzierzoniow Prudnik and Radom
Brodnica, and to the assistants of his assistants' assistants
Bartsyce Gizcko, Tychy Swidnik, Pila Tomaszow, Swiebodzin Wielkopolski, Kowicz Sochaczewzno, Augustow Szcytno,



(UPI)  Foix, France.  The five French fiddler
monkeys faulted on Friday in the fake fig fiasco
have been freed for further factfinding.  The
furtive fiddlers were followed all the way from
Fourchambault Forest to Fontainebleau and
from Falaise to Fourmies before they were found
fat and full of figs on a fruit farm not far from
Fougeres.  The five were forcibly ferried to Foix
to face the fury of their fellow frugivores, but
the flagrant and flawed falsehoods filed against
them finally favored the fivesome, and the
fatigued fiddlers feebly fled.

   Primate Nooz is published as often as legal    constraints allow by the Ralph. A Bennett    Teasdale Corp., Dr. Peter Pan Troglodytes,    President-in-Chief.  Copies are shipped to every    major zoo and animal testing facility in the U.S.    and air dropped over much of Africa, Asia and    South America.  Back issues may be obtained by    writing to:  Primate Nooz, County Lockup,    Hellmouth, AZ.
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