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ANNOUNCEMENTS
Primate Nooz is proud and just plain tickled
pink to be
able to announce the immediate and irrevocable drop-
ping for all time and forever of the several lawsuits
which were brought against us by Mr. Christopher
Shaw of Los Angeles. The happy resolution of this
unhappy affair has permitted us to at least temporarily
resume the publication of the Nooz, which our many
fans have been yammering for over the past two and a
half years, and which despite its forced hiatus won
last month's prestigious Hellmouth Junior Chamber of
Commerce's Citizenship Runner-Up Prize, and received
a favorable mention in the Monkeys of Mali Monthly's
spring 1993 issue. We are also pleased to announce
that Mr. Shaw has once again agreed to become Really
Scientific Letters Editor and also to oversee the 'Re-
commended Reading' section, replacing Dr. Thrace
Thrasher, who has left Primate Nooz to become the
personal physician and court primatologist to the King
of Broonay. Thanks, Chris, and welcome back!
RECOMMENDED READING:
Dr. Poon Sanddandtundra (1991). Large Primates
of
the Nepalese Highlands. Indian Primate Society
Publishing Co., Chukkar 12, West Ingoosh, Bangalore.
*****
Dr. Poon Sanddandtundra (1989). “Ethological
rela-
tionships between the various giant monkey species
living north of Nepal.” Sub-continent News, May
12.
*****
Robert S. Mottley (1965). “A Statistical
Variant
Analysis of Primates Living South of Nepal, With
Particular Regard to the Total Absence of Any Pri-
mates Whatsoever Living North, East or West of
Nepal, Either Large or of Any Size.” Bombay Monkey
Club Notes, 132(7):109-125. *****
Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho (1992). “The
Mountain
Monkey North of Nepal.” High Altitude Studies in the
Himalayas #86, U.S. Air Force Abstracts, Washington,
D.C. *****
Christopher Shaw (1993). “Pulling the
Plug on a Scam
Like the Giant Nepalese Monkey Sighting Can Be a
Tricky Business.” Reader's Digest, 932:18-25.
*
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GIANT MONKEY SIGHTING
Cont. from page 1.
and Dr. Massenya Moussoro of N'Djamena College
of Primate Linguistics, representing a grand total of
some
two hundred months of primate research exp-
erience in the
field.
The Nooz
has recently learned that Dr. Sandd-
andtundra has been under
the care of a therapist for
the past several years and is
now showing signs of
the great strain he has apparently been
under re-
cently. At least one of his Nepalese assistants
has
stated that Dr. Sanddandtundra accidentally forgot
his
medications when he left his research center at
Jabalpur and
may actually have been in his tent
when the brief encounter
supposedly took place.
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ADVERTS
Are you looking for that unusual gift, that
special
something for the one you love, perhaps that im-
ported item from Gorgonzola you saw advertised in
the Hellmouth Star Ledger and Daily Chronicle?
Well, look no farther, because WE'VE GOT those
famous rubbery Santa Rubia Island PINK COCO-
NUTS packed 12 to a box, we've got high-protein
Santa Rubia Island BLUE TERMITES crushed and
ground in liter and half-liter bags (only in February),
we've got new Santa Rubia Island CORAL CHESS-
BOARDS and carved ASHTRAYS and sculpted
LAWN FOUNTAINS, we've got Santa Rubia Island
WEED NECKLACES of too many types to mention.
So come on down today or send for our catalog of
GORGONZOLA IMPORTED PRODUCTS. Leaves
'n' Things (we changed our name from Leaves 'R'
Us), Muggley's Main Street Mall, Cheesequake
(near the sinkhole).
ATTENTION CHEESEQUAKERS! There will
be a
meeting in the Grand Room of the Hellmouth Holi-
day Inn at 2pm on Saturday to discuss what can be
done about the latest round of staff layoffs at the
Man and Mammal Museum. The Director, Merlin
Musselwhyte, will be there to answer charges that
he misappropriated museum funds, and coffee will
be served in the lounge afterwards. The meeting is
sponsored by the Cheesequake Man and Mammal
Museum Staff Cuts Investigatory Group.
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Produced
as a public service by the nice folks down at the Ralph
A. Bennett Teasdale Corp., with additional funding provided
by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the Bluetail Foundation, The
Giant Mouse Lemur Survival Commission, the Russian national
primatology newspaper Primatsiya Primatsiya, the
Equatorial Plummet-ing League of Togobogo, the Hellmouth
2nd Chemical Fruit Exchange Bank, Chester Champ's Chimp
Safari, Cranston's Crematory Supplies, and the Cheesequake
Man and Mammal Museum Staff Cuts Investigatory Group.
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© M. Charters, 1993,
Sierra Madre, CA.
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Dear Dr. Nööz,
I happen to know for certain
that there are abso-
lutely no primates living north of Nepal. In fact there
are no primates living east or west of Nepal either, of
any size, and Dr. Sanddandtundra should know this. I
am an expert in this field and know a thing or two. I
hear he has been on Lithium and several other mood-
altering drugs. Is there any truth to this?
Robert
S. Mottley
South
of Nepal, Asia
Dear Bob,
I have no idea.
Dear Dr. Nööz,
Just what does this Sanddandtundra
guy mean by
'north of Nepal' anyway? That could include lots of
places. How far north does he mean? And what kind
of a name is Poon? I know a lot of Indians, but not
one of them is named Poon. Have you looked into his
institutional history?
Dr.
Oondóué M. Boué
Academie
Republíque Gabonaise
Dear Oondóué,
No.
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