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Primate Nooz regrets to report that the circumstances under which Professor M. Ohhohoho was found in the poison-filled basin of the ancient, ant-strewn Amazon are very suspicious at best, and that a meeting of the Advisory Board has been called for next week to decide what to do about it.  Our parent company, the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale Corporation, spent approximately $1.2 million in its world girdling and months long search for the veteran primatologist, explorer extraordinaire and Nooz roving correspondent. Numerous friends and colleagues of the eccentric professor dedicated countless hours in a vain and until recently fruitless attempt to find him, and many have expressed shock and disappointment at the suggestion that it may all have been a publicity stunt.  Nooz West Coast correspondent Mr. Christopher Shaw, who was preparing to depart for Tasmania when the exciting news arrived of Ohhohoho's reemergence, said “I am deeply shocked and disappointed at the suggestion that this may all have been a publicity stunt, and I can't wait to get my hands around that little shrimp's neck.”  The Nooz will keep its many readers informed as always as to any action taken against the professor.


Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho  (1990).  Lost in the Hellish Amazon.  Vanity Press,  Hoboken, N.J.  *****

Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus  (1989). Misconceptions: The Education of a Field Reporter.  J. Thomas Baggleton Bros., Phoeniz, AZ.  *****

Sir Ian Spotswood Allenby Crofford Wiggles (1984).  Irish Primates Throughout History. Labrador, Sprouse, Wickett and Ramsey, 6 Lower Bidlington Road, Alsham P12, Hartford-on-Raven, Middlesex, U.K.  *****

Christopher Shaw  (1990).  “Searching for a Missing Professor in the Wierd, Wet and Wild Tropics Can Be A Tricky Business.”Reader's Digest,  913:9-27.  *



Large, southeastern zoo looking for savannah baboon to replace one who was killed in an unfortunate accident several months ago.  Must be aggressive enough to handle at least four females and willing to live on less food than the average baboon. Call 800-222-2222 now.

Primal Therapy for Primates.  Join our group and become a prosimian again. Side trips to visit Madagascar. Beware those therapists who claim to be able to take you back to the tree shrew stage.  That hasn't been confirmed yet. Box 20, Nooz.

Membership drive for the Should Siamangs Be Considered Gibbons Club, Sigsbee Junior Night College. Quarter finals coming up in the International Primate 25,000 Bananas Quiz game. We still need a team. Don't be a clinger, be a leaper. Contact Dr. Irb Glasingham, Anthro Dept.

Winking martindale plans to resign from position as advisor to Fruit, Inc.'s Tropical Products and Commodities Division. Currently scheduling interviews for replacement.  Field rep will be in Hellmouth Mon., Cheesequake Wed., Runnamuck Fri.  Details on KNUZ-FM.

Produced as a public service by the friendly folks down at the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale Corporation, with funding provided by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the Frumpton-Lacksdale Elementary School Primate Club, KNUZ-FM, the Bluetail Foundation, the Hellmouth Municipal Zoo and Exotic Animal Crematorium, and the Dipterocarp Society of Upper Bali-Bali.
The great taste
Now Joins
The Great Taste
Gobo Roots.
M'm! M'm! M'm!
Buy some today, or tomorrow!

Adult male red-faced macaroon, highly-ranked, proven fertile with many offspring, mate and habitat lost in recent volcanic eruption, seeks either or both.  No bark eaters please.  Willing to relocate.   J19.

Juvenile male olive (anubis) baboon with prominent ischial callosities, recognizing sociopolitical realities, has plan to improve status by using an infant as a shield.  Will pay
1-1/2X standard rate for male or female, days only. Mothers with spare infants please respond ASAP.   C24.

Attractive female bluetail guenon, C. subterraneus, with black cheek tufts and slender zygoma, needs burrow mates, preferably more than two, for long days of underground fun and frolic during coming dry season. Range adjacent to Makokou Study Area.   D15.

Alpha (potential) prime (almost) male (definitely) hamadryas baboon seeks harem of 4-5 females who have had some experience and know what the score is.  Must be willing to follow me around and do what I tell them, and not go off with some other male or join one of those political groups that seem to be springing up everywhere.  I have my eyes on a great territory and would like to share it with you.  M8.

Handsome, rugged, large-eared Demidoff's galago, weighs 65g., missing toilet claw on left 2nd pedal digit, new in the neighborhood, searching for female companionship and up to date info on best insect hunting grounds.  I am especially partial to beetles. Send photo and maps.   B11.

Red-eyed saki, male, intermembral index 76, seeks pal with long shaggy coat and extremely broad nose.   C27.
© M. Charters, 1990, Sierra Madre, CA.
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