Primate Nooz regrets to report that the circumstances under
which Professor M. Ohhohoho was found in the poison-filled basin
of the ancient, ant-strewn Amazon are very suspicious at best, and
that a meeting of the Advisory Board has been called for next week
to decide what to do about it. Our parent company, the Ralph
A. Bennett Teasdale Corporation, spent approximately $1.2 million
in its world girdling and months long search for the veteran primatologist,
explorer extraordinaire and Nooz roving correspondent. Numerous
friends and colleagues of the eccentric professor dedicated countless
hours in a vain and until recently fruitless attempt to find him,
and many have expressed shock and disappointment at the suggestion
that it may all have been a publicity stunt. Nooz West
Coast correspondent Mr. Christopher Shaw, who was preparing to depart
for Tasmania when the exciting news arrived of Ohhohoho's reemergence,
said I am deeply shocked and disappointed at the suggestion
that this may all have been a publicity stunt, and I can't wait
to get my hands around that little shrimp's neck. The
Nooz will keep its many readers informed as always as to
any action taken against the professor.
Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho (1990). Lost in the Hellish
Amazon. Vanity Press, Hoboken, N.J. *****
Eric Scotmeister Fleiglehaus (1989). Misconceptions:
The Education of a Field Reporter. J. Thomas Baggleton
Bros., Phoeniz, AZ. *****
Sir Ian Spotswood Allenby Crofford Wiggles (1984).
Irish Primates Throughout History. Labrador, Sprouse,
Wickett and Ramsey, 6 Lower Bidlington Road, Alsham P12, Hartford-on-Raven,
Middlesex, U.K. *****
Christopher Shaw (1990). Searching for a Missing
Professor in the Wierd, Wet and Wild Tropics Can Be A Tricky Business.Reader's Digest, 913:9-27. *
Large, southeastern zoo looking for savannah baboon to replace
one who was killed in an unfortunate accident several months
ago. Must be aggressive enough to handle at least four
females and willing to live on less food than the average
baboon. Call 800-222-2222 now.
Primal Therapy for Primates. Join our group and become
a prosimian again. Side trips to visit Madagascar. Beware
those therapists who claim to be able to take you back to
the tree shrew stage. That hasn't been confirmed yet.
Box 20, Nooz.
Membership drive for the Should Siamangs Be Considered Gibbons
Club, Sigsbee Junior Night College. Quarter finals coming
up in the International Primate 25,000 Bananas Quiz game.
We still need a team. Don't be a clinger, be a leaper.
Contact Dr. Irb Glasingham, Anthro Dept.
Winking martindale plans to resign from position as advisor
to Fruit, Inc.'s Tropical Products and Commodities Division. Currently scheduling interviews for replacement. Field
rep will be in Hellmouth Mon., Cheesequake Wed., Runnamuck
Fri. Details on KNUZ-FM.
a public service by the friendly folks down at the Ralph
A. Bennett Teasdale Corporation, with funding provided
by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the Frumpton-Lacksdale Elementary
School Primate Club, KNUZ-FM, the Bluetail Foundation,
the Hellmouth Municipal Zoo and Exotic Animal Crematorium,
and the Dipterocarp Society of Upper Bali-Bali.
The great taste
The Great Taste
M'm! M'm! M'm!
Buy some today, or
Adult male red-faced macaroon, highly-ranked, proven fertile with
many offspring, mate and habitat lost in recent volcanic eruption,
seeks either or both. No bark eaters please. Willing
to relocate. J19.
Juvenile male olive (anubis) baboon with prominent ischial callosities,
recognizing sociopolitical realities, has plan to improve status
by using an infant as a shield. Will pay
1-1/2X standard rate for male or female, days only. Mothers with
spare infants please respond ASAP. C24.
Attractive female bluetail guenon, C. subterraneus, with
black cheek tufts and slender zygoma, needs burrow mates, preferably
more than two, for long days of underground fun and frolic during
coming dry season. Range adjacent to Makokou Study Area. D15.
Alpha (potential) prime (almost) male (definitely) hamadryas baboon
seeks harem of 4-5 females who have had some experience and know
what the score is. Must be willing to follow me around and
do what I tell them, and not go off with some other male or join
one of those political groups that seem to be springing up everywhere.
I have my eyes on a great territory and would like to share
it with you. M8.
Handsome, rugged, large-eared Demidoff's galago, weighs 65g., missing
toilet claw on left 2nd pedal digit, new in the neighborhood, searching
for female companionship and up to date info on best insect hunting
grounds. I am especially partial to beetles. Send photo
and maps. B11.