first rifts have appeared between the New Nooz and its new corporate
owner, Kashihara Takeshitahara, the first cracks in what had seemed a seemless
agreement between us, the first fissures in our professional relationship,
the first hints of potholes ahead, the first intimations of a falling barometer.
Mr. Takeshitahara himself arrived at our offices last week and immediately
ordered us to use a different brand of paperclips. Apparently he likes
the ones they make at the Hirosugi Paper Clip Works in Tojosomi, while we
favor the kind they make at Cheesequake Clips. He insisted that we hire
the reporting "team" of Win Wang Win and Win Wang Wan, second
and third eldest sons of the late, frozen Win Wing Wan, whose ghostly apparition
has apparently been psychically projected somehow through our offices at
various times recently, while we think they're a pair of idiots. He
wants us to print a weekly summary of the transcript of Japan-TV's new hit
comedy show, "Sumo Simians," and we can't be bothered. Why
does it always happen to us? We think everything's great and then
it all falls apart.
Mr. Takeshitahara does not seem to understand
the American corporate mentality. Publisher Arnett Putney, III and
Executive Editor Widen Lundale, Jr., despite their recent unpleasantries,
very much resent having video cameras placed in their offices to watch them
all the time. An alarm sounds in the cubicles of senior staff writers
Fredina Mallard and Oretta Boudreaux whenever their fingers are off their
keyboards for more than ten seconds. Reporter from the Field Eric
Scotmeister Fleiglehaus was at first docked for having been away after he
was abducted, but that did eventually get straightened out. Pencils
are being strictly accounted for. Everything has changed, and yet
an apparently hostile relationship with higher management is something that
always seems to stay the same for us. But we are no patsies. We
don't take it lying down. Or standing up either, for that matter.
Suffice it to say that the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale Corporation filed
for bankruptcy within six months of closing the doors of the old Nooz. Right?