Page Four


The New Primate Nooz is proud and pleased as punch to be able to announce that it is, in conjunction with the Japanese National Poor and Aged Monkey Foundation, undertaking to establish a new fund for underpriviledged primates.  For years we have seen primates wandering aimlessly around the streets of Hellmouth, living day-to-day in doorways and basements, seeking handouts of week-old fruit and leaves, and generally living lives that leave much to be desired.  Mayors and city councils in the past have tried to ban primates within the city limits, but that didn't work.  The Hellmouth Zoo and Exotic Animal Crematorium has taken as many as it could, but that merely put a dent in the problem.  Now it will be possible to ship homeless primates who qualify for this program to Japan where a small percentage of them will be utilized in research facilities, and the remainder will be relocated to a state-of-the-art primate shelter on the island of Honshu.  Anyone who would like to contribute to this project is invited to contact the Nooz business office during regular hours.


Hi!  I'm Potty!!  I guess this is going to be my last "Recommended Reading" since the clone of Win Wing Wan showed up.  And since it is, I'd like all our loyal subscribers to read at least five of the followng choices I have carefully selected for your special pleasure and the improvement of your minds. Which could use it, I must say. Let me know how you like them. Ciao....

Uzman Shakhrisyabz (1994). "Do Abominable Primates Plummet Like Other Primates?"  Rafikistan Mountain Digest, 12:34-35.

Henry Marsworth Odum (1962). "Fossils of the Brown-backed Uakari from Plio-Pleistocene Strata of Venezuela."   In Unusual South American Primates, ed. Raul Alecerando, Montaña Publishers, Caracas.

Snorri Skafta Thorshofn-Thorshofn (1996). The Life and Times of Leif Englanberg and Olaf Petersen. Stykkisholmur Press, Raufarhofn.

Takeshi Takeshitahara (1985).  "Samurai Rice Carvings of the Yorimoto Shogunate."  Nipponese Journal of the Rice Carving Arts, 434:97-102.

Heinrich Bobelschmidt (2002).  "Neue Beobachtungen auf dem Planeten Zarkon."  Celestial Digest, 12:9-90.

Chris Shaw (2002).  The Planet Zarkon and Its Role in Primate Evolution.  Potts, Packer and Polthammer, Los Angeles.


Strikingly handsome great blue marmoset, 9-1/2", 13oz., eligible bachelor and prime breeding male, seeks a similarly inclined female for long-term monogamous relationships.  Must enjoy daily foraging for exudates, gobo roots and wolf spiders.  My personal turn-offs: short incisors, rain, Croesus monkeys and fathers who won't carry their infants. My turn-ons: primary forest, white-cheeked muscatels, plummeting and territorial disputes.  I have a great sense of humor and an extremely wide range of interesting and useful vocalizations.  P15

Female really slow loris with striking dorsal stripe and dark eye-rings looking for companionship with a male who might visit my territory once or twice a year.  My family came to Hellmouth from Sumatra and we have been living at the Exotic Animal Crematorium but I am getting a bad feeling about it.  I don't like the way they look at me.  My intermembral index is 90, which isn't too bad, and although my hands lack the ability to perform delicate manipulations, I can still tear apart a bird's nest pretty well.  Did I mention that I was really slow?   Call me if you're interested in someone of the lorisine persuasion.  D40

Produced ostensibly as a public service by those wily Orientals and Occidentals down at the Kashihara Takeshitahara Corp., with additional funding generously provided by Itchihara's East Japanese Iced Cream, Books'n'Stuff, the North Atlantic Loris League, Mt. Sydney Steak House and Casino, the Monkey Marathon Club of New Zealand, Czar Dmitri's Gulag Bar, the Abominable Primate Society, the Hellmouth Zoo and Exotic Animal Crematorium, and Joe's Not-So-Bad Cafe.
© M. Charters, 2003, Sierra Madre, CA.
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