Page Four

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Primate Nooz wishes to announce that the lawyers who are representing Mr. Chris Shaw in his lawsuit against us have secured an injunction barring us from making any more announcements and ordering us to turn over all notes and tapes relating to the 'Announcements' and 'Recommended Reading' sections forthwith.  We are appealing this ruling, and expect to eventually prevail, but for the time being, this will be our only announcement.

RECOMMENDED READING:

Thomas L. Harrison  (1987).  “Nose-picking in the Pongidae and Its Implications for Human Evolution.”  Amer. J. Nasal Anatomy,  17:230-239.  *****

Professor Ambato Ambilobe  (1986).  West of the Sunset: A Personal Journey Across the Scarred, Eroded, Ecologically Ravaged and Ruined Landscape of Madagascar In Search of the Pitifully Few Prosimians Who Have Managed to Cling to a Precarious Existence Despite the Almost Total Destruction of the Environment, In Which I Recount Some Happy Memories.  Malagasy Primate Technical Institute Press, Antananarivo. *****

Christopher Shaw  (1989).  “Filing Simple Lawsuits for Fun and Profit.”  Notes of the California Bar Association, Vol. 87, Index E, 1254-1255.  *

 
   
   
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Our market analysts have reported that savings accounts are out, and tax-free edible bonds are in. Demand for these bonds is rising dramatically as investors realize that not only can their tax burden be substantially reduced, but in the event of really hard times, the bonds can also be eaten.  These bonds are high in protein and low in cholesterol, and should be a lure to the middle-level investor of today's hungry marketplace.  --J. Thaxton Krunk
 
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Produced as a public service by those friendly folks down at the Ralph A. Bennett Teasdale Corp., with funding provided by Georgia Pacific Gabon, the Matsushita Chopstick Co., Gabon   Airways, the Bluetail Foundation, the Academie Republique Gabonaise, Gratiano Bros. Meat   Market, the Equatorial Fruit Toxins Institute, the   Hellmouth Sheriff's Association, and Billy Bob's Babysitting Service.
 
© M. Charters, 1989, Sierra Madre, CA.

AYE-AYE-AYE Cont. from page 3.

of only eighty-two.
        Both the aye-aye-aye (intermembral index 70) and the aye-aye (intermembral index 71) typically employ a form of modified quadrupedal locomotion, but the former has a large, additional component of climbing and falling.  They have often been observed plummeting downward through the leaves in a seemingly-purposeful fashion, arresting their fall at the last possible second by extending their long, slender, wirelike third digits and grasping a narrow branch. Several primatologists have sustained heart irregularities while watching this behavior.
        Macropithecus exhibits a greatly reduced dentition, having a dental formula of 1-0-1-3/1-0-0-3. Daubentonia on the other hand has a dental formula of 1-0-1-3/1-0-0-3. The morphological specializations and dentition of the aye-aye-aye seem admirably suited to its dietary needs, which are satisfied generally by larvae and grubs.  In comparison, the aye-aye subsists mostly on grubs and larvae.  Both of these queer-looking and unrelated primates have gigantic, batlike ears, sharp, rodentlike incisors that continue growing throughout the animal's lifetime, lemuroid auditory bullae, globular braincases, shaggy fur, clawed digits, and bushy tails. Like the aye-aye, the aye-aye-aye occupies the approximate ecological niche of a woodpecker, using its long, skeletal third finger in place of the woodpecker's beak.
        The aye-aye-aye bears a striking but completely coincidental resemblance to the aye-aye in that it has a grooming claw on the second digit of the foot and a flat nail on the hallux, facial vibrissae, a post-orbital bar in the skull, a well-developed nasal rhinarium, a pair of inguinal mammae, a reflecting tapetum lucidum, and a bicornuate uterus.
        But these are just a few examples of coincidence, or convergent evolution, or something.  And really, there is absolutely no relationship between the aye-aye-aye and the aye-aye.  Really, there isn't.  No, there isn't! Isn't either!! Isn't isn't isn't!!!

 
 
WELL, KIDS.  THAT SHOULD KEEP YOU QUIET FOR A WHILE.  NOW, PICK UP YOUR PENCILS, COLLECT YOUR GUM, AND PLEASE, ONE BY ONE, OUT THE BACK DOOR.  AND DON'T LET US HEAR YOU TALKING ANY MORE DAMN FOOL NONSENSE ABOUT HOW THE AYE-AYE-AYE IS JUST LIKE THE AYE-AYE.  IT ISN'T!
 
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