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Hey all you out there in Noozland!  We're back!!  This is your NEW editorial department speaking, and we want to welcome you to the brand NEW Primate Nooz, the New Primate Nooz, a Nooz bearing no resemblance to the old Nooz, the Nooz that went belly up.  This is a Nooz full of NEW features and columns and departments, a Nooz so unlike the old Nooz that it will make you gasp in amazement. You won't even recognize it.  You'll pinch yourself in disbelief.  Make no mistake about it. The year is 2002 and everything is NEW!   Well, almost.
        Publisher Arnett Putney, III and executive editor Widen Lundale, Jr. have resumed their old positions. “200 Months Ago Today” is in its old spot, “Report from the Field” is coming back, “What Is...?” is being resuscitated, “Recommended Reading” may look a tad familiar, but aside from these few things, everything else is NEW!  Oh yeah, we had to bring back “News Behind the News.”  And Bill Measely is on board with his hydrogen laser spotlight to illuminate major places of interest for our many readers.  Oh, and Dr. Doody has agreed to drag his “Cutting Corner” out of the closet, where it has been languishing ever since we closed up shop.  But these are the only things that might look like something we've done before. Everything else is NEW!   Oh, yeah, “Nooz Notes” and “Financial Nooz” will probably be part of the NEW Nooz, and of course, there will be an “Announcements” section, and we'll have to have the “Nooz Calender,” and “Adverts” and “Really Scientific Letters.”   But aside from those things, you won't even recognize it.  Everything is NEW! “News Archives,” “From the Editor's Desk,” “Sylvia the Psychic Simian Sees the Future,” all new! Yes, it's true. Most of our old staff has agreed to come back even though the Takeshitahara Corporation has required them to sign loyalty agreements. Aline Peggs is back in the Mail Room, Donald Dimwiddie has taken up his old position in the Steam Room, and Francisco Omohundro is once again behind the desk in the T-Shirt Department.  Althea and Ichabod Ipswich are flattening papers again, Mullard Frimley and Percy Throckmorton are spreading ink like they used to, and the Glue Room is back in the capable hands of Noodle Milhous.  It's really terrific to see these familiar faces again, although they are a bit grayer and more lined. 
      So what if the Primate Nooz masthead is almost the same, and the decorative borders?   So what?   It's all different!  It's all NEW!  So wake right up, because it's going to be great, and we desperately want you to be a part of it.  It's NEW!
200 Months Ago Today

      200 months ago today, the noted Tadjik primate researcher Dr. Uzman Shakhrisyabz of Dushanbe University had his first close encounter with an abominable primate, which he subsequently wrote about in Bombay Monkey Club Notes.  He was driving his old Moskvich-400 on Route 2 along the Surkhob River between Gharm and Dzhirgataf, when a KamAZ diesel came racing up behind him, flashing its lights and blowing its horn.  He slowed down and pulled over, and as it roared past, he was able to read the cyrillic letters for 'Boris's Animal Circus' crudely stencilled on the vehicle's door.  He also saw what appeared to be an abominable primate in a rickety cage lashed on the back. He was able to identify the creature by its prominently-raised cranial ridges, so he accelerated and attempted to follow, but the truck pulled away and lost him as it wound up into the hills beyond Sokh, and he never saw it again.  He couldn't help wondering where it had come from, and ever since that strange encounter he has made it his life's objective to research abominable primates and other similar fur-covered beasts.

      200 months ago today Urumqi Sa'gya established the Mongolian Simian Study Center in the Hangayn Mts. of central Mongolia.  He was the first Mongolian ever to become a primatologist, and thus far he is the still the only Mongolian ever to become a primatologist.  His two-hectare monkey reserve is also one of the world's smallest.

(AP)  Hellmouth, AZ.  A jumping spider monkey that was participating in a field excursion from the Hellmouth Human Diseases and Primate Testing Facility was nearly struck by lightning during a storm last Thursday.  The primate, about 2-1/2' tall and dusky tan in color, was demonstrating some new plummeting techniques at the Facility's Remote Study Area in Runnamuck State Park when a cold front or a warm front or some kind of front moved rapidly across the Horntoad River Valley with winds in excess of 35mph. The sky grew very dark and before the agile spider monkey could return to the safety of the ground, it began to rain. Thunder boomed overhead and several lightning bolts struck the tops of some tall trees near where the demonstration was taking place and sparking a small fire in some dry brush.
      The monkey managed to climb down and the group hurriedly returned to Hellmouth, having fortunately avoided a near tragedy.  Last year, at about this same time, a gray muscatel was badly charred by lightning while taking part in the Cheesequake Primate Marathon, and a giant mouse lemur was scorched during a picnic near Mary's Wells.
(UPI)  Phoenix, AZ.  The Arizona State Food and Drug Agency has banned the use of Uncle Jack's Silverback Cream, effective immediately.
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