Dr. Oondóué M. Boué
Academie Republique Gabonaise
Yes, what is it? But more importantly,
where is it? I have been back in Gabon now for three months at my
Makokou Study Area, and I have been unsuccessful in locating a single
bluetail. My colleague, Reginald Pennyworth Maudlin-Jones, whom
I have suspected of mental instability for years, and who remained
here while I was in the United States attending the Great Apes and
Lesser Primates Dinner and the Sigsbee Junior Night College Colloquium
on Catarrhine Oddities, has also disappeared.
My assistant Albert Mbigou and
I have searched every bluetail burrow from here up the Ivindo River
and back again. There is so sign of them, and I feel like
a researcher for the Los Angeles County Museum of Unnatural History.
In fact, I checked my map to make sure that I was in the right country,
and I am. So I believe that Reg has made off with them.
He did it one time before when
I was away, in 1973, and it was two years before he brought them
back. I warned him then that it would be the end of our professional
relationship if it happened a second time, as it certainly now appears
to have done. It's a great pity too, because I don't think
he has any friends.
What bothers me the most about
this whole sordid business is the fact that when the winner of the
1988 Primate Nooz Photography Contest comes here in the fall, I
may not be able to introduce him, or her, to my beloved bluetails.
For this, I will never forgive Reg, and I definitely won't ever
work with him again.
WOW! WHAT EXCITEMENT!
HOPE ALL YOU KIDS LEARNED A LOT ABOUT
BLUETAILS. THEY'RE GUENONS, YOU KNOW. CERCOPITHECUS
BY SIR RODNEY BILLINGHAM-APPLEGATE IN 1937.
THEY DIG BURROWS, YOU KNOW. YOU CAN TELL YOUR TEACHERS
ABOUT THEM! AND YOUR PARENTS!
AND YOUR FRIENDS! DON'T FORGET TO GRAB UP EVERY HOT
ISSUE OF THE PRIMATE NOOZ
AND LEARN ALL ABOUT
THE WONDERFUL WORLD
OF WHAT IS...
There will be a symposium on primate evolution in the
beautiful Rainforest Room at the Hellmouth Holiday Inn
this Saturday and Sunday, 10am-7pm, and all members
of the local primatological community and any other interested primates are invited. Speakers will include
Dr. Oondóué M. Boué, Mr. Win Wing
Wan, Dr. Miedzyrzecz von Czechowice-Dziedzice, Professor
Mitsuo Ohhohoho, Sir Ian Spotswood Allenby Crofford-Wiggles,
Senhor Teófilo Afonso Rosario Sobradinho and
Mr. Christopher Shaw. Light refreshments will be served
at teatime, and fruit vendors will be constantly passing
among the audience. Question and answer period at 6pm.
Are you too tired at night to build your own nest? You either
need more iron in your diet or Nick's Nest Building Service, or
both. I'll come out and build you a custom designed nest
as often as you desire. I don't work higher than 30m.
Daily, monthly and yearly rates available with ten easily affordable
and convenient nest sizes. Nick's Nest Building Service,
3rd and Pine St., Hellmouth.
Curious about where you came from? Who your ancestors were?
Now you too can trace your family back to relatives who
went extinct. Charts on hand for all major families, and
a few minor ones too. Write to Box 11, Cheesequake.
Is your area of the forest getting cluttered with a lot of old,
useless nests taking up all the good spots? You either need a
few days of high wind or Nick's Nest Removal Service, or both.
I'll come out and pull down as many of those old nests as you
desire. I don't work higher than 30m. Rates by the nest. Nick's
Nest Removal Service, Pine St. and 3rd Ave., Hellmouth.
Hello. I SAID HELLO! HELLOOO!
TURN YOUR HEARING AIDS UP!
There, that's better. You're probably not getting along
too well in the forest anymore..... I SAID.... YOU'RE PROBABLY
NOT.... WAKE UP! You need professional care. I SAID...
YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL CARE! Crikey! Look, just come
down RIGHT NOW to the Old Primates.... the OLD... PRIMATES...
RETIREMENT HOME. It's FULLY PROVISIONED and there are NO DOMINANCE
RANKS observed here. CALL for an APPOINTMENT. No bluetails
please. I SAID.... NO BLUETAILS! Crikey!
Need an article written? Chris Shaw's your man. He's written
articles on almost everything. He's one of Reader's Digest's most
prolific article writers. He'll write a nice article for you and
publish it in the Reader's Digest as quick as you can say Mitsuo
Ohhohoho. Drop by either the Nooz office or the Page Museum. Not
available on weekends.
DON'T EVER BE LOST IN THE JUNGLE AGAIN!
Professor Mitsuo Ohhohoho Primate Identification
Book and African
Jungle Survival Guide by the one and only Professor
If we had had this book, we never would have
L. Englanberg and O
Mail $34.95 to the Nooz, Hellmouth, AZ.